A Pirates Carol
by Phantom Shadow Pirate
Summary: CoWritten between my sister BOC42 and I, we wrote a version of our own of A Christmas Carol with the Pirates of the Caribbean characters. Please read and review!


**A Pirates Carol**

A/N This was co-written between me, Phantom Shadow Pirate and my sister BOC42. It was her idea, but I'm writing it, so I think I'll take the credit… BOC42 smacks P.S.P. upside the head I was just kidding!

Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean, A Christmas Carol, or Muppets, or anything else for that matter! Got it? Good. Lawyers walk off groaning

**A Pirates Carol**

We join our two narrators as they stand in a dark alley way. Pintel and Ragetti.

"What are we doing here?" Ragetti questioned a fore mentioned partner.

"What do you think we're doing you dolt? Narrating a story of course!" Pintel snapped while slapping his friend on the arm. "I'll begin."

Norrington and Beckett were dead to begin with. And Sparrow had signed the certificates, so it must have been official.

With a swish of a cape, Sparrow walked down the ally towards the docks. It was the day before Christmas, which put him in a worse mood.

_When a cold wind blows it chills you  
Chills you to the bone  
But there's nothing in nature that freezes your heart  
Like years of being alone_

It paints you with indifference  
Like a lady paints with rouge  
And the worst of the worst, the most hated and cursed  
Is the one that we call Scrooge  
Unkind as any, and the wrath of many  
This is Ebenezer Scrooge

Oh, there goes Mr. Humbug  
There goes Mr. Grim  
If they gave a prize for being mean  
The winner would be him  
Old Scrooge, he loves his money  
Cause he thinks it gives him power  
If he became a flavor you can bet he would be sour  
(Even the vegetables don't like him)

There goes Mr. Skinflint  
There goes Mr. Greed  
The undisputed master of the underhanded deed  
He charges folks a fortune for his dark and drafty houses  
Us poor folk live in misery  
It's even worse for mouses  
(Please sir, I want some cheese)

He must be so lonely, he must be so sad  
He goes to extremes to convince us he's bad  
He's really a victim of fear and of pride  
Look close and there must be a sweet man inside  
(Nah . . . uh uh)

There goes Mr. Outrage  
There goes Mr. Sneer  
He has no time for friends or fun  
His anger makes that clear  
Don't ask him for a favor cause his nastiness increases  
No crust of bread for those in need  
No cheeses for us meeces

(Scrooge liked the cold.  
He was as sharp as a flint, secret and self-contained  
as solitary as an oyster.)

There goes Mr. Heartless  
There goes Mr. Cruel  
He never gives, he only takes  
He lets his anger rule  
If being mean's a way of life you practice and rehearse  
Then all that work is paying off, cause Scrooge is getting worse  
Every day in every way  
Scrooge is getting worse

Indeed, it was true. With everyday, Sparrow became more and more unhappy. But that was soon to change…

Sparrow stormed up the plank, frightening the workers on the ship. The boldest one, and also the "leader" of them, William Turner stood up to great his boss.

"Good morning Mr. Sparrow," Will began.

"Bah humbug!" was his reply.

"Mr. Sparrow, if you please, it's getting colder and the workers, they are nearly frozen, they can hardly take inventory of the loot." Will pleaded.

"Let them suffer," Sparrow snapped. "Coal is expensive, and we can't afford to loose any money!"

"Yes sir." Will sighed and continued his work.

Sparrow and his late partners Norrington and Beckett were pirates together, and they had looted many a treasure. The inventory was still to be taken from their latest and last treasure hunt together.

The hours passed, and slowly, the early morning crept into late afternoon.

"Mr. Sparrow," Will began, "It appears it is closing time."

Sparrow glanced at the clock tower in the center of the town.

"It appears as though you are right, Mr. Turner. I expect you here at eight o'clock sharp tomorrow morning though."

"But Mr. Sparrow, sir, if you please, tomorrow is Christmas. It doesn't seem very traditional to have such hours on Christmas."

Sparrow was surprised at his request.

"And what hours are traditional, Mr. Turner?" he asked leaning forward.

"Well, I suppose it's the whole day off sir."

"The _whole_ day?!" Mr. Sparrow roared.

"Sir, please, every other businesses will be closed as well, and there really is no point…" Will trailed off.

"Fine." Mr. Sparrow snapped. "But I expect you here all the earlier the next morning!"

And on that note, Sparrow stood up and stomped down the plank into town, cursing the small orphan children that got on his path of rage.

As Sparrow stepped up to his door, he glanced at the knocker. To his amazement, it transformed before his very eyes, into a _very_ familiar face.

"Norrington!" he gasped, stumbling back. The knocker let off a loud wail that shook the windows and transformed back into its original state.

"Bah humbug!" muttered Sparrow, glancing at the door one more time before entering.

After dressing in his robe, slippers and hat, Sparrow sat before the fire. Soon, the candles began to flicker. Next, the fire. It a matter of seconds they both went out, and Sparrow was left in utter darkness.

Then an eerie glow began to fill the stairs. It was a faint blue at first, but then it began to grow.

"Who is there?" Sparrow called in hopes someone would answer. Instead, he was greeted with a faint crinkle of chains, soon accompanied by voices.

"Sparrow, our dear friend!" it said.

"Who is it?"

"Why you know us! We're your old business partners! We're here to warn you! You need to change your way of life, or you'll be condemned same as us!"

_We're Marley and Marley  
Averious and greed  
We took advantage of the poor  
Just ignored the needy  
We specialized in causing pain  
Spreading fear and doubt  
And if you could not pay the rent  
We simply threw you out  
We're Marley and Marley  
Our hearts were painted black  
We should have known our evil deeds  
Would put us both in shackles  
Captive  
Bound  
We're double-ironed  
Exhausted by the weight  
As freedom comes from giving love  
So, prison comes with hate  
We're Marley and Marley  
Whoooooo  
We're Marley and Marley  
Whoooooo  
Doomed, Scrooge!  
You're doomed for all time  
Your future is a horror story  
Written by your crime  
Your chains are forged  
By what you say and do  
So, have your fun  
When life is done  
A nightmare waits for you  
We're Marley and Marley  
Whoooooo  
We're Marley and Marley  
Whoooooo  
We're Marley and Marley  
Whoooooo  
We're Marley and Marley  
Whoooooo  
We're Marley and Marley  
Whoooooo  
CHANGE!_

"What do you want with me?" Sparrow yelled.

"Oh, we'll be leaving shortly, but three spirits shall visit you tonight to help you! 

"No! I don't want anymore ghosts!" Sparrow called, but it was too late. They had gone.

"Bah humbug" Sparrow said, and climbed into bed, thinking he was already asleep and dreaming. But he had slept but a few hours before he was awoken by the sound of the clock striking one.

"How do you know what's going on in there?" Ragetti asked.

"I don't know, instinct, I guess!" Pintel replied.

Sparrow awoke with a start and found his room filling with a strange glow as the sound of the bell faded away.

"Hello," came a mysterious voice from a far corner of the room.

"Who is there?" Sparrow shouted.

"I am the ghost of Christmas Past."

"Oh buga…" Sparrow sighed and flopped down on his bed.

"Come with me." The voice commanded. Sparrow sat up and finally looked at the "spirit". It was a girl. She was obviously an African American, and her hair was in a sort of dreadlocks. Her face was covered in strange signs, and she worn an old tattered dress.

"Where would we go?" Sparrow asked.

"To the past." And with that, the girl touched Jack Sparrow's hand, and they were sucked into the past.

Mr. Sparrow saw many things with the ghost of Christmas past. He watched his childhood, and how he had been excluded in many activities, most likely explaining his attitude toward social contact. He learned that his past shouldn't account for anyway he behaves now.

At two o'clock, the spirit disappeared, and he was back in his own bed chamber. He heard loud laughing from the room next door and quickly went to investigate. In the room was a tall man. He was the most peculiar looking thing Sparrow had ever seen, for the man was half squid. His beard was made up of moving, living tentacles, and the man seemed strangely creepy.

"Come in and know me better man!" It shouted at Sparrow.

Jack, too frightened to do anything else, took a cautious step toward the man.

"Who are you?" Sparrow whispered, for his voice had given away in fright.

"I am the ghost of Christmas Present! Come in and know me better man!"

"Not again…"Sparrow muttered under his breath so the squid type animal would not hear his complaints.

"What was that?" The ghost questioned.

"Nothing…"

"Good! Now, let's get learning about how to improve your life!" He shouted, and off they went. The world melted into a pool of colors around them, and they were transported off to see sights.

While with that spirit, Jack Sparrow learned to appreciate the now from the youngest son of Will and Elizabeth Turner, Tiny Tim. Amazingly, Tiny Tim looked just like a monkey a friend of his had name Jack… He taught him how important it was to take advantage of family and friends, and never take them for granted. Tiny Tim sang a very touching song, which must have took real talent, considering the boy was a monkey…

_(Tiny Tim) Life is full of sweet surprises  
Everyday's a gift  
The sun comes up and I can feel it lift my spirit  
Fills me up with laughter, fills me up with song  
I look into the eyes of love and know that I belong_

Bless us all, who gather here  
(Elizabeth) The loving family I hold dear  
(Will) No place on earth, compares with home  
And every path will bring me back from where I roam  
(All)Bless us all, that as we live  
We always comfort and forgive  
We have so much, that we can share  
(Tiny Tim) With those in need we see around us everywhere

(Tiny Tim & Elizabeth)  
Let us always love each other  
Lead us to the light  
Let us hear the voice of reason, singing in the night  
(Will & Elizabeth)  
Let us run from anger and catch us when we fall  
(Tim) Teach us in our dreams and please, yes please  
(All) Bless us one and all

(Tim)Bless us all with playful years   
With noisy games and joyful tears  
(All) We reach for you and we stand tall  
(Will) And in our prayers and dreams  
We ask you bless us all

(Tim) We reach for you and we stand tall  
And in our prayers and dreams we ask you  
Bless us all...

Sparrow learned a lot with the spirit. But soon, the spirit grew old, not that he wasn't before… and Sparrow was returned to his home, to await the third and final ghost.

The ghost of Christmas Future was a dark and scary creature. He would not speak, and he seemed very old. He had on a large hat, and big boots. His grey beard covered most of his chest, and in one hand he had an apple. But no matter how hard Sparrow tried, he would not speak.

What he learned from that spirit is too great for words. Sparrow swore he would change, for he knew what the consequences were now if he didn't. He had found out he would die a terrible death. Granted it was heroic, and dead hot, but still, he didn't want to die! If only someone had told the fan girls about this before hand!

"Ragetti, are you crying?" Pintel asked.

"No! I uh, had a snowflake land in my eye!"

"Right… Sparrow had become a changed man, for good."

The next morning, Sparrow woke up. Upon discovering that he was not dead, but indeed, in his own bed chamber he began to celebrate. Running quickly downstairs, he ran into a small orphan boy whom he asked to buy the prize turkey from the shop down the street. The small boy immediately came back with the turkey which was almost as big as he was and began hefting it down the street after Jack Sparrow.

Indeed, everyone's worst nightmare, and dream had come true. Mr. Sparrow had turned good and kind which was their dream, but now their nightmare came true. He was _singing!_ Mr. Sparrow, need I repeat, MR. SPARROW, was singing! And we all thought Will Turner was a terrific soprano…

_With a thankful heart, with an endless joy  
With a growing family, every girl and boy  
Will be nephew and niece to me (Nephew and niece to me)  
Will bring love, hope and peace to me (Love, hope and peace to me)  
Yes and every night will end, and every day will start  
With a grateful prayer and a thankful heart_

With an open smile and with open doors  
I will bid you welcome, what is mine is yours  
With a glass raised to toast your health (With a glass raised to toast your health)  
And a promise to share the wealth (Promise to share the wealth)  
I will sail a friendly course, file a friendly chart  
On A sea of love and a thankful heart

Life is like a journey, who knows when it ends?  
Yes and if you need to know the measure of a man  
You simply count his friends  
Stop and look around you, the glory that you see  
Is born again each day, don't let is slip away  
How precious life can be

With a thankful heart that is wide awake  
I do make this promise, every breath I take  
Will be used now to sing your praise (Used now to sing your praise)  
And to beg you to share my days (Beg you to share my days)  
With a loving guarantee that even if we part  
I will hold you close in a thankful heart

I will hold you close in a thankful heart

When he was done singing, he had gathered quiet a crowd. No, not an angry mob, but a crowd that was the surprised by the singing and nice-ness, to be afraid of getting to close.

Pink a blue flowers began to bloom all around Sparrow, and he began to skip and twirl singing "It's a Small World" while picking up flowers and doing the "she loves me, she loves me not" with the petals. Yes all at the same time. Jack Sparrow was a happy and changed man who appeared to have an obsession with pink and blue flowers.

_**Somewhere, a record screeches to a halt**_

Back to reality…

Sparrow was standing on the Turners door step, prize turkey and all, rapping on the door. Will answers it, shaking in his shoes.

"Mr. Turner. Why aren't you at work today as we discussed?" Sparrow asked with this freaky serious face.

"But Mr. Sparrow, sir, we did discuss it. You gave me the day off remember?" Will said, now thoroughly spooked.

"Me? Give _you _the day off? Mr. Turner, I will only do one thing to this notion!"

"And what is that sir?"

"Mr. Turner, I will just have to raise your salary!"

"You'll have to what?!"

"I'll raise your salary! Bring on the turkey!"

The small orphan stumbled in with the large turkey in his arms and quickly set it on the table.

Suddenly (you'll never expect this one!) Sparrow ripped off his cloak and dress pants to reveal a red Hawaiian shirt with yellow flowers and a pair of khaki shorts.

"Mr. Sparrow!" Elizabeth screeched covering her children's eyes.

"Mr. Sparrow, are you feeling ok?" Will asked.

"Please! Call me Jack!"

"Jack, aren't you a little, _cold?_"

"Heck no! I'm the stunt double! The real one is over there!" Jack shouted pointing towards a small corner where, indeed, the real Jack was sitting, in his normal clothes I might add, sipping a cup of cocoa.

"He's right, you know, I'd never risk getting a cold!" the real Jack said and scooted closer to the fire.

"Alright…" Will said trailing off. "Should we get ready for the finale?" he asked.

"Sure!" everyone eagerly shouted in reply.

The group gathered together into four lines. Out of nowhere, the stunt double Jack burst into song.

_There's a man who leads a life of danger_

_To everyone he meets he stays a stranger_

_With every move he makes another chance he takes_

_Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow_

_Secret agent man, secret agent man_

_They've given you a number and taken away your name_

"Uh…" Will says, nudging the stunt double in the ribs, "wrong song."

"Oh…"

_We wish you a merry Christmas,  
We wish you a merry…_

"Actually, I liked his song better!" Will shouted. Various shouts of agreement followed this statement. "Let's sing it!"

_There's a man who leads a life of danger.  
To everyone he meets he stays a stranger.  
With every move he makes,  
Another chance he takes.  
Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow._

Secret Agent Man.  
Secret Agent Man.  
They've given you a number.  
And taken away your name.

Beware the pretty faces that you find.  
A pretty face can hide an evil mind.  
Oh be careful what you say,  
Or you'll give yourself away,  
Odds are you won't live to see tomorrow.

Secret Agent Man.  
Secret Agent Man.  
They've given you a number.  
And taken away your name.

Swinging on the Riviera one day.  
Lying in the Bombay alley next day.  
Oh no you let the wrong word slip,  
While kissing persuasive lips  
Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow

Secret Agent Man.  
Secret Agent Man.  
They've given you a number.  
And taken away your name.

"And that my friend is why you should stay in school!" Ragetti shouted.

"Uh… No. That my friend's is Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens." Pintel corrected.

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

Thanks so much for reading this _whole_ thing! Please Review!

Phantom Shadow Pirate

BOC42


End file.
